At Odds With the Politics in My Church
Stained Glass Cross
For months now, I have had an increasing inability to rise out of bed on Sunday morning and prepare myself to go to church. One of the last things I say to myself before going to bed on Saturday night is… “I’m going to church tomorrow.” However, there is a battle between the morning news programs and the snooze button on my alarm clock when I awake at 6:00 a.m. After about two hours, I give in and make the decision to stay at home instead of taking a shower, getting dressed and heading out to make the 10:30 service.
I love the Lord and want to be the light that scripture tells me I should be, and I truly crave the fellowship that comes along with attending church. The force keeping me away is that my conscience mind, along with my formative beliefs, is at odds with the internal politics of the church.
The physical church normally refers to “the Lord’s house” or the place for worship. The invisible or universal church is the body of Christ. It is called “invisible” and refers to those who are already in heaven or are yet unborn. The members still on earth cannot categorically be distinguished because the qualifications of membership in it are internal and hidden. In other words, it is unseen except by Him who “searches the heart.”
“The Lord knoweth them that are his” (2 Timothy 2:19).
I was baptized and confirmed in the Anglican Episcopal Church, which is also known as the Church of England. In fact, we recently consecrated the first African-American bishop in the Diocese of Maryland; the Right Reverend Eugene S. Sutton.
An ancient body of canons (rules) governs the Episcopal Church and all bishops comprise a direct line of descent from the Apostle Andrew. We celebrate the Eucharist (sacrament of communion) every time we gather in service, and we openly confess our sins prior to accepting the body and blood of Christ. There are special holy days in celebration of canonized saints such as Andrew, Martha, Cecilia, Francis of Assisi and many others. In fact, one of the most famous black Episcopalians was Thurgood Marshall and the Episcopal Church USA is well into the process of designating a holy day for him.
As a young person, I longed to be involved in the hand clapping, gospel singing, “Spirited” church that my friends attended, which is not what I experienced growing up. After raising my daughter in the Episcopal Church, I left seeking the unknown and joined a Baptist congregation. I also had the opportunity to sing with a professional gospel choir, which proved to be an uplifting experience, although my trained voice is not suited to sing the strong guttural “black” gospel.
I spent greater than 15 years of worship and study in the Baptist church however; there was always an ache in my heart to return to the church of my youth. When I returned to the Episcopal Church nearly six years ago, I realized that I missed the closeness I felt to Christ during the solemn components of the service, the cleansing feeling when I accepted the sacrament of communion and the quietness when I kneel and pray in silence, in the sanctuary before the service processional. I transferred into the oldest African Protestant Episcopal Church below the Mason/Dixon line (founded in 1824). Within a few months though, I discovered the presence of the very attitudes that pushed me away from the church of my youth…the internal politics.
The last place on earth one should become entwined in deceit, backstabbing, coercion, and various underpinnings designed to elevate one’s standing within the fellowship is the church. This is fundamentally flawed. The discovery of self-aggrandizing leaders who demonstrate their lack of ability to shepherd or pastor the people is unsettling. Not only have I witnessed the aforementioned, I have been the recipient of their wrath. New ideas, methods and strategy are undermined within a leadership council called the vestry, often to the determent of developing needed components that will enhance the church’s mission.
This has resulted in a revolving door of persons coming into the church, a loss of the youth, and a diminished level of giving from the aging congregation. We have generations of families splintered because some disapprove of the tenets imposed within the church and whose children move on to a more progressive Christ centered environment. Those remaining are content with the infighting and a basic resistance to the need for change. Priorities within the leadership tend to be focused on the over emphasis of maintaining the status quo; being the favored historically black congregation of the Episcopal Church rather than leading us in doing God’s work both within and without. In the end, this place of worship has taken on the face of a “social club” relying on the methods of people who will not step into the 21st century.
Each week I find myself questioning whether I should stay or seek something else. I know within my heart there is something better within the Episcopal Church. I wonder if God is angry with me when I stay away. Lord, I need your guidance.
© Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved
