Dem Wedding Vows: What Do They Mean?
Takin' dem vows...
Marriage is a covenant with God first, then it can be defined as a partnership between two people. It is very important in this day in time, as opposed to biblical time as we’ve come to read about, that we know what we are getting ourselves into. In many cultures, marriages are pre-arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. The religious belief during that time was out of duty to God, the people should be fruitful and multiply. People married very early in life, and any person who has passed the age of 20 without being married has not carried out the will of God.
In ancient Jewish culture, there existed prenuptial agreement of sorts. Called a dowry, the compensation paid to the bride’s family for the loss of their daughter and the services she could have provided to her family, had she remained with them. Families tried to provide each daughter with a dowry; property handed over by her family at the time of her marriage and afterwards owned by the wife. It was her share of the family inheritance, enough to act as an income for her should she be abandoned or widowed.
The purpose of marriage vows allow both parties to speak openly before a community of witnesses whose assurance to watch over the betrothed couple is sometimes part of the ceremony. The symbolic unbroken circle the wedding band represents completes the covenant. Here is a dissection and interpretation of what the traditional Christian wedding vows represent.
Number One:
In the Name of God, I, (Name)., take you, (Name)., to be my (wife) (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
Or, the more familiar version…
Number Two:
I, (Name)., take thee, (Name)., to my wedded (wife) (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I (plight) (give) thee my troth.
- “to have and to hold from this day forward.” Nowhere in that statement does it say anything about letting go, giving up, throwing in the towel. You have just promised God that you’re in it for the long haul.
- “for better or worse,” that’s a hard one. Human beings are selfish. It is difficult for even the most ardent believer to accept even the best in people, let alone the worse. When we are hurt by the other we often become self-absorbed -often shooting from the hip, with rage and blame rather than taking a step back to look at the situation. We often fail to assess the whole situation –including ourselves, to determine the root cause. We are often reluctant to admit that part of the root cause may be our own doing, most likely from a decision we made without thinking or something we chose to ignore early in the relationship.
- “for richer for poorer,” what I bring to the table is not material. Sinful man lusts after material things, which can be lost and destroyed. After assessing the fire, we realize that all material things were lost however, what remains is the relationship we have with each other.
- “in sickness and in health,” doesn’t just mean physical health, we are talking about mental and cognitive health as well. Should we be so quick to look the other way or run when something goes wrong? Aren’t we bound by the first covenant statement in the marriage vows to assess the health of the relationship? Then, once an assessment is made are we not bound by that same covenant to administer the necessary aid for corrective healing?
- “to love and to cherish,” means that first I have to like you as a person before I can love and cherish you. Often we fall in love with an image of the person, not the person himself or herself. As humans, we are the highest degree of animal on the planet –at least according to science. We think, therefore we reason. Now if I don’t like you that means I have a problem with your persona (personality). Your personality is what makes you uniquely you; including all the warts and funk that linger in your spirit. When you like someone, you will find forgiveness of that person’s sins comes much easier than it does for someone you dislike.
- “till death do us part.” Some might say that this is the spiritual death of the marriage, not the physical death of one of the partners. If we live within the marriage covenant, will a real spiritual death occur? If we take the time to really get to know the person, whether we share the same values or even if we like each other, the only death that will separate the two should be physical.
Now I suppose when couples write their own vows, as has become common in today’s pop culture, they can work their way around the original covenant.
Do you know people who have remained married for years, even decades? Ask them how they did it and they will tell you it wasn’t easy but they managed to stand by each other… including standing in the gap.
I have to confess that I am divorced. The marriage vows didn’t mean as much to my ex-husband as they did to me, although this marriage was a truly unique example of being dead in spirit from the very beginning. You’ll have to read my two books Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace (2007) and Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace Volume Two (2009) to understand the true story.
© 2009 Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved
