Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace

Takin' dem vows...

Marriage is a covenant with God first, then it can be defined as a partnership between two people. It is very important in this day in time, as opposed to biblical time as we’ve come to read about, that we know what we are getting ourselves into. In many cultures, marriages are pre-arranged by the parents of the bride and groom. The religious belief during that time was out of duty to God, the people should be fruitful and multiply. People married very early in life, and any person who has passed the age of 20 without being married has not carried out the will of God.

In ancient Jewish culture, there existed prenuptial agreement of sorts. Called a dowry, the compensation paid to the bride’s family for the loss of their daughter and the services she could have provided to her family, had she remained with them. Families tried to provide each daughter with a dowry; property handed over by her family at the time of her marriage and afterwards owned by the wife. It was her share of the family inheritance, enough to act as an income for her should she be abandoned or widowed.

The purpose of marriage vows allow both parties to speak openly before a community of witnesses whose assurance to watch over the betrothed couple is sometimes part of the ceremony. The symbolic unbroken circle the wedding band represents completes the covenant. Here is a dissection and interpretation of what the traditional Christian wedding vows represent.

Number One:

In the Name of God, I, (Name)., take you, (Name)., to be my (wife) (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Or, the more familiar version…

Number Two:

I, (Name)., take thee, (Name)., to my wedded (wife) (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I (plight) (give) thee my troth.

• “to have and to hold from this day forward.” Nowhere in that statement does it say anything about letting go, giving up, throwing in the towel. You have just promised God that you’re in it for the long haul.

• “for better or worse,” that’s a hard one. Human beings are selfish. It is difficult for even the most ardent believer to accept even the best in people, let alone the worse. When we are hurt by the other we often become self-absorbed -often shooting from the hip, with rage and blame rather than taking a step back to look at the situation. We often fail to assess the whole situation –including ourselves, to determine the root cause. We are often reluctant to admit that part of the root cause may be our own doing, most likely from a decision we made without thinking or something we chose to ignore early in the relationship.

• “for richer for poorer,” what I bring to the table is not material. Sinful man lusts after material things, which can be lost and destroyed. After assessing the fire, we realize that all material things were lost however, what remains is the relationship we have with each other.

• “in sickness and in health,” doesn’t just mean physical health, we are talking about mental and cognitive health as well. Should we be so quick to look the other way or run when something goes wrong? Aren’t we bound by the first covenant statement in the marriage vows to assess the health of the relationship? Then, once an assessment is made are we not bound by that same covenant to administer the necessary aid for corrective healing?

• “to love and to cherish,” means that first I have to like you as a person before I can love and cherish you. Often we fall in love with an image of the person, not the person himself or herself. As humans, we are the highest degree of animal on the planet –at least according to science. We think, therefore we reason. Now if I don’t like you that means I have a problem with your persona (personality). Your personality is what makes you uniquely you; including all the warts and funk that linger in your spirit. When you like someone, you will find forgiveness of that person’s sins comes much easier than it does for someone you dislike.

• “till death do us part.” Some might say that this is the spiritual death of the marriage, not the physical death of one of the partners. If we live within the marriage covenant, will a real spiritual death occur? If we take the time to really get to know the person, whether we share the same values or even if we like each other, the only death that will separate the two should be physical.

Now I suppose when couples write their own vows, as has become common in today’s pop culture, they can work their way around the original covenant.

Do you know people who have remained married for years, even decades? Ask them how they did it and they will tell you it wasn’t easy but they managed to stand by each other… including standing in the gap.

I have to confess that I am divorced. The marriage vows didn’t mean as much to my ex-husband as they did to me, although this marriage was a truly unique example of being dead in spirit from the very beginning. You’ll have to read my two books Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace (2007) and Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace Volume Two (2009) to understand the true story.

© 2009 Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved

December 19th, 2009 | Tags: Faith, Love, Spirit, Thoughts | Category: Articles, Faith Walk | Leave a comment

Eldrick (Tiger) Woods

“All I wanna say is that they don’t really care about us!”  I don’t care whether they call us… African-American, black, people of color or even the N-word, it boggles my mind that in the United States there is still a culture set on destroying anyone of us who gains a tremendous degree of fame and fortune. I suppose boggle is not the verb I should use because I am not overwhelmed or bewildered; I am angry as hell.

I can assure you that my anger is nowhere near the intense level of anger the man standing at the center of this very vivid controversy feels about his own transgressions. In fact, I firmly believe the man deeply regrets many of the decisions he has made in his personal life over the past few years, however, that is a different story for another time.

For the most part, it seems the celebrity of blacks who obtain their fortune through sports and entertainment is the root cause of the tremendous discord deeply embedded in the psyche of White America… though they are loathe to admit it. And, of course, this celebrity places them under an unnerving degree of scrutiny whether they like it or not.

For more than 10 days now, there has been a media frenzy building around an incident that took place in the private life of Eldrick (Tiger) Woods, the son of a black father and an Asian mother. Tiger Woods knows he is an African-American -just being based upon the U.S. one drop rule, however because of his mixed heritage  he made a conscience decision to blend into the country club sports network of golf where his athletic prowess is recognized.

If we are to believe everything presented to us by the media, we now know that a bevy of unscrupulous females have emerged as either a one time or current mistress of Tiger Woods, even during his not-so-acceptable marriage to a former Swedish model. The “breaking news” gets more bizarre with each passing day, and is based on pure speculation. Respected news media are giving ‘top story’ status to any rumors coming in from sources whether they are reliable or not.

Tom Joyner’s Morning Show is having a field day making fun of Tiger Woods and what these recent events –whether pure speculation or not, may have done to Woods’ clean image. This is where the verb boggle can be put to good use. The insensitivity of the comedy pouring through the radio boggles my mind because it fuels the speculation and negativity to the point that both tabloid print and television media have requested interviews with Joyner. Were the interviews requests looking for an honest assessment of the situation, or because Joyner -a black man- openly made comedic fun of Tiger’s dilemma? I actually had to turn the radio off.

We have followed Tiger Woods since his childhood, just as we followed the career of another child prodigy who achieved celebrity, fame and fortune, and channeled his fortune into caring, universal causes until the media began tearing him down. Although the alleged ‘unscrupulous’ behavior was different from the speculation surrounding Tiger Woods, it was still the beginning of his downfall.

As long as Black America doesn’t pose any type of threat to White America we can make as much money, gain as much celebrity, and even try our best to assimilate their culture. It’s almost like the slave master and the overseer (media) mentality weighing in to bring them down if they get too uppity. Let us just suppose the accident that started all this was at the home of Phil Mickelson. What would the media do with that story?

Tiger Woods is on the threshold of meeting and breaking the record of one of the golf world’s greats –Jack Nicklaus, and has surpassed many long standing achievements dating back to 1913. He, along with his father, developed the Tiger Woods Foundation which is dedicated to children offering character development programs, scholarships, grants, junior golf teams, and the Tiger Woods Learning Center. The Foundation is helping young people reach their goals.

Tiger Woods Design is a business venture slated to design and build golf courses in three locations around the world. Three are currently in the works… Dubai, North Carolina and Mexico.

The tragedy here is the media –because of ratings, which of course translates to dollars, has created such a rush to judgment that a feeding frenzy beyond comprehension has brought people crawling out of the woodwork to stake a claim on Tiger the golfer, not the man. The root of all the attention is based upon something that is personal to Tiger and his family, and need not be addressed in the media.

Laughing at ourselves helps make our societal journey a little easier, given the many obstacles we as a people face every day. We must, however, be very careful about the perception we give our oppressor –and yes, as long as one group feels they are superior to another there will be oppression. The tone of media spin at a time like this plays right into their hands, and we provide even more fodder by our own insensitive actions in the midst of this madness.

Whether all or part of Tiger Wood’s situation is of his own making is not important, especially since he has not broken any laws –just perhaps gone against some people’s moral values. Each of us have our own demons and we are hard pressed to cast a sinless stone in anyone’s direction. The thing we cannot allow is a white controlled media to continue spinning rumors and creating stories based on speculation and innuendo, or the voices of money grabbers looking for  a huge payday and their 15 minutes of fame.

If the other child prodigy were alive today this is what he’d have to say. Tiger, take a listen.

“Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now
I’m tired of bein’ the victim of shame
They’re throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can’t believe this is the land from which I came
You know I do really hate to say it
The government don’t wanna see
But if Roosevelt was livin’
He wouldn’t let this be, no, no

Skin head, dead head
Everybody gone bad
Situation, speculation
Everybody litigation
Beat me, bash me
You can never trash me
Hit me, kick me
You can never get me

All I wanna say is that
They don’t really care about us
All I wanna say is that
They don’t really care about us”

Lyrics: They Don’t Care About Us, written and composed by Michael Jackson, MiJac Music (BMI), MJJ Productions, Inc.

© 2009 Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved

December 8th, 2009 | Tags: Commentary, Life, Thoughts | Category: Articles, Commentary, Thoughts | Leave a comment

My Natural Hair

It amazes me how much emphasis we place on our looks in the U.S. Cosmetics, beauty, and hair care is a multi-billion dollar consumer industry. What we look like is a major factor in the type of lifestyle, job, and friendships we have throughout our lives. Though I have not seen Chris Rock’s documentary Good Hair, I have read a number of articles from a few very prominent people about this societal concept of black hair. When you look at me the first thing you see is my African heritage. There are no visible signs of my Scottish ancestors, or the Europeans I don’t even know about.

I painfully remember the taunts I received while growing up about having “good hair,” though I personally don’t place my own hair in that category. Even today, people -especially African-Americans comment on my hair with questions like “How do you get your hair to look like that?” or “Girl, I wish I had hair like that… you don’t even have a ‘kitchen’. The kitchen is the hair at the nape of the neck that is usually very dry and curly (kinky) on the heads of some women or color. Wanting to be accepted by my peers, I begged my mother to let me get a perm.

About ten years ago, I decided to stop putting harsh chemicals in my hair after developing a severe eczema around the hairline. The chemicals also caused hair breakage, dryness, and left me with lifeless strands of hair that seemed to come out by the comb full. To alleviate the problem I cut my hair to about an inch from my scalp and began proudly wearing a feminine short-cropped hairstyle. This was an emancipating experience for me; I was no longer slave to the products that caused the damage in the first place.

Back when I asked for my first perm, the stylist told me I was crazy -that I was going to ruin my hair. After more than 30 years of chemicals, she was right. It has taken a number of years since I put a halt to the chemicals and that first initial cut for me to love and understand what is now my absolute God given natural hair. For years, I wasn’t even aware of my own curl pattern that some women pay top dollar to achieve; it was already there so I decided to stop cutting it as well. Now my hair is healthy, the eczema is long gone, and I save a ton of cash from not using products I didn’t need in the first place. I can’t wait for more growth to allow me to be more creative.

What I have noticed and experienced is the change in some segments of society, and acceptance as an intelligent, educated woman -especially by older whites, in the workplace because of my natural hair. When I wear a free-style (without a headband) which allows the curls to cascade over my forehead, I receive comments from some of my white co-workers like “Oh I like your hair better when it’s smooth.”  Once I slicked it back with a load of gel and my director commented on how sophisticated she thought I looked.  That comment was most insulting because I’ve also noticed that I’m no longer asked to visibly assist when we host high profile or international visitors.

With the exception of certain careers, i.e. entertainment (music, theatre and the arts), and journalism -to a point, the natural state of the African-American woman’s hair is still looked upon as unacceptable in many circles. Initially my stylish short-cropped hair is perceived as the thing some women do as they age and considered non-threatening however, since allowing it to grow and becoming more adept at styling, there is a definite shift in perception from the non-Hispanic white people at work.

This poses the question to those who find cause to judge me by my hair. Do you where your hair in its natural state? No one questions the stringy, oily, often shedding hair on your head. In fact, I find it amusing that some whites try everything they can to achieve a thick bouncy, curly head of hair. They’ve even tried African braids and locking to no avail. In their case I suppose one could use the old adage, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Thank you Lord for creating me in the image you purposed. I love my natural hair.

Note: I now use products produced by Carol’s Daughter.

© 31 October 2008 – Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved

October 31st, 2009 | Tags: Life, Spirit, Thoughts | Category: Articles, Commentary | Leave a comment

Michael Jackson 1958-2009: He will forever live in my heart.

Well, I actually did it. I went to see This Is It. If you know anything about the grieving process, you will understand that this was a crucial part of my grief over the death of Michael Jackson. My initial apprehension about going to see the film was filled with thoughts of not being able to watch without bringing back the flood of emotion and tears that became a part of my daily life for weeks after his death. Wow, even while writing this I am emotional and listening to his music, which constantly plays in my house.

Going to see the movie was challenging also because I went alone. It is amazing how difficult it was to find a friend willing to go with me. Some people indicated they were not interested in seeing this death film. Others gave ridiculous excuses alluding to all the tabloid fodder over the years.

I’ve know Michael Jackson from afar all of his public life. It was during my own pubescent period when I first heard that powerful voice pour through the radio singing I Want You Back. I was hooked, and from that point on Michael, his music and his message have lived in my psyche. I cried with him when he sang She’s Out of My Life, chanted “Ma Ma Se,Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa” from Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, and understood his deepest emotions when he sang Earth Song. I was with him one hundred percent through all of his agonizing tribulations.

My latest book Amani na Mapenzi: Love & Peace Volume Two contains a tribute to Michael with two poems In The Music and He Had to Die as well as two essays Prejudice is Ignorance and Dance, Dance, Dance. Michael is a psychological study in the damaging affects of man’s inhumanity. He didn’t fit the mold of the publicity hungry, media seeking, jet-set Hollywood type, he was about creativity… his work, his spiritual beliefs and his humanity.  Therefore,  instead of embracing his genius, some saw fit to create at will and feed a tabloid image giving no regard for the human being who was just plying his God given talent.

Let me tell you, there is nothing but life giving energy throughout the film. For all the naysayers, we must remember that this is rehearsal footage, which under normal circumstances would never be seen by the public. We see a 50 year old Michael Jackson will a special light in his eyes, and a level of energy that belies his chronological age.

Some of his dance moves are not as powerful as they were twenty years ago, but they are still there. His James Brown swishing -which he perfected like no one else other than James himself, his signature Moonwalk, the signature Billie Jean dance, the Beat It and Thriller movements, and head snap is all there. In fact, they become more powerful as the beat of the music fuels his energy. Occasionally the sparkle in his eyes fades, but it returns in a split second throughout the various rehearsal sequences. There were times during the film that I found myself moving with Michael, I guess because I am so familiar with his choreography and anticipate every muscle movement.

There is absolutely no hint of any health issues and drug or substance use. For the trained eye one might notice a hint of arthritis in his knees, and think that he is too thin; but he is a dancer and able to compensate for those minor nuances. We see a humble Michael Jackson who is all about perfecting what would have been his last overseas concert venture. His passion is for the audience to receive and enjoy the best entertainment possible. That was (is) Michael Jackson.

This Is It would have been one hell of a concert. Not only are the song-sets -which were chosen by the fans, a reflection of his musical genius, the staging, scenery, and technology are something to remember. No one was going to walk away without a feeling of euphoria and amazement. Michael Jackson is (was) a one-of-a-kind phenomenon. There will never, ever be another like him.

© 30 October 2009 – Sharon Moore Stenhouse – All Rights Reserved.

a’Kihoro SPIRITUAL CREATIONS

October 30th, 2009 | Tags: Love, Spirit | Category: Articles, Commentary, Thoughts | Leave a comment

Rest in Peace Michael.

A Reflective MJ

One thing that continues to trouble my soul since June 25, 2009 is the fact that Michael Jackson was not trying to die.  He had too much to live for -first and foremost, his own children, along with his passion for healing the world through healing children.  At 50 years old, he was aware of his abilities and had his own concrete plans to live long into old age.  During the announcement of his then, upcoming concert tour he told the audience “This is it, this is the final call.”  What’s sad is that he wasn’t talking about leaving this earth, he was talking about working himself into a frenzy to perform the quality his fans had become so accustomed.  He was telling us… ‘I’m getting old, and as much as I’d like to keep going, I’ve got to slow down.’   And, as usual with Michael being the exacting professional, he gave it everything he had… including his life.

There are many young people, especially African-American 35 years and younger, who remember only the sensationalism brought upon him at the hands of others, or his ever changing physical appearance.  They refuse to listen to his music, thus they are robbing themselves of his talent, his genius, his message.  In a conversation with a young woman whom I consider highly intelligent,  she admits that she doesn’t remember anything else about Michael Jackson except that he was a child molester.  When I quickly responded to her that no, he is not, her reaction was “Yes he is.  Look at all the publicity and the trial.”  Here’s how the rest of the conversation continued…

“Don’t you believe he’s a child molester?” she asked.

“No, I do not.” I responded.

“Why not, it has been proven.” she continues “He was arrested and had to stand trial.”

“He was acquitted on all counts.” I responded.

“Just because he was acquitted, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.  What about the child before?  Why did he settle that one out of court?  How can you say that he is not a molester?” was her rather agitated response.

My reply…”The God in me will not allow me to view him as a molester.  I have never for one moment believed that he could hurt a child.  He’d hurt you before he would harm a hair on any child.”

The young lady tried to paint a different scenario by asking “What if it was your child?  Suppose your child came home and told you they slept in someone’s bedroom, with an adult.”

My response went something like this… “First, my child wouldn’t be with an adult I didn’t know and trust.  I wouldn’t accuse the trusted person of molesting the child until I found out the facts, was absolutely sure, and had concrete evidence (both physical and psychological).  Even if I were suspicious, I wouldn’t push the issue without being absolutely certain something portentous happened.  I would have to speak to the adult (with or without the child present).  Jumping to conclusions does not mean anything out of the ordinary happened.  It speaks to my friendship and trust in the individual.”

And my young friend said…”Well, you are certainly different that I am.”

For the many who don’t know Michael and can’t imagine him beyond the entertainer, here is a glimpse into the man.

2001 Heal the Children Speech at Oxford University.*
This is part 1/4 of the audio w/full text. You can continue to listen to parts 2/4, 3/4 and 4/4.

* Heal the Children Speech on YouTube

© 2009, Sharon Moore Stenhouse – all rights reserved.

September 7th, 2009 | Tags: Faith, Love, Spirit | Category: Articles, Faith Walk, General Thoughts | Leave a comment